Always
by NekoSey
Summary: Sakuma dies in a car accident, Genda doesn't take the news too well. Rated T for mentions of sex.


"You're lying!" Genda screamed, tears pooling in his eyes. He no longer cared if anyone saw him cry, this couldn't be true. Everyone was lying to him, this wasn't possible!

Kidou was looking down, his eyebrows creased with grief, eyes pinched shut to keep from crying himself. Already his goggles had been taken off so Genda would understand he was serious. He hated telling Genda this, but it was his responsibility as former team captain and Genda's friend to be the one to let him know. It wasn't easy, and it was expected for the goalie to take it badly. However, he hadn't expected Genda to explode like this.

Even Fudou had come along to help, currently standing at Kidou's side, arms folded and expression cold. He wasn't pulling any wise cracks at Genda's episode, but merely watched as his old teammate screamed and cried. He made no attempts to comfort or calm him, but didn't worsen the situation.

Genda was still in complete disbelief. He was past the point of confusion though, he was mad. He was furious. It wasn't true. Why would Kidou make a joke like this? It wasn't funny! Why would he EVER say that?! The spiky-haired boy lurched forward and grabbed a fistful of Kidou's shirt, forcefully jerking him forward. Kidou let out a small, surprised gasp at the sudden violence, but his eyes were still cast downwards.

"Look at me dammit! Tell me you're lying!" screamed Genda. He could feel Kidou flinch at the loud screaming so close to his face, but he didn't care. He didn't care about being gentle or polite; there was no excuse for what Kidou was saying.

Kidou slowly tilted his head up to Genda's face, his ownmade of steel while Genda's was an unstable mix of dangerous emotions. The rage was plain as day on the goalkeeper's face, but also pain, denial, and something Kidou had only seen when Sakuma had one of his manic episodes.

He didn't want to make a bad situation worse, so the only thing he could do was keep a lock on Genda's intense stare, as horribly furious as it was. He needed to convey that while the situation was tragic, the goalkeeper needed to calm down. Genda wasn't getting the message; he was only getting madder that Kidou wouldn't answer him.

But if Kidou said anything, he might start to cry again.

"Genda," said a voice.

Both heads swiveled to look at the direction of the voice, which belonged to none other than Fudou. His eyebrows had been pulled down further, his voice cold and steady.

"Sakuma is dead." His tone was final, and not to be argued with. It _dared_ Genda to try and tell him he was a liar.

Genda stared at Fudou, his hand tightening on Kidou's shirt. The goalkeeper kept staring at Fudou for a few moments before, very slowly, his expression changed from one of rage to one of grief. The tears started once again, dripping one by one from his face and onto the Kidou's shirt as he looked at Fudou.

It really was true.

He sunk to the floor, releasing the caped boy as he descended, his hands meeting with the floor. Genda couldn't feel the tears on his face, but he saw the wet dots they made on the carpet as they fell. He couldn't feel Kidou's hand on his back, but he saw his knee that came into his field of vision as he kneeled. He felt nothing; all of his limbs were numb.

The only thing he could feel was the immense pain in his chest, like he had been stabbed with a rusty knife.

_Sakuma is dead. _

The sentence ran through his head over and over again like a broken record, each time more painful than the last. Every time the sentence passed through his head, it was like another needle passed agonizingly through his heart. With each needle that stabbed his heart, the more tears fell from his agonized face.

Genda didn't know how long he had been sitting there, utterly defeated, but at some point it was long enough for Kidou to take his hand off Genda's back and stand back up. Bit by bit, he began to regain his ability to hear the world around him. The entirety of this was Kidou and Fudou arguing.

"What if he goes into shock Fudou? You know how important Sakuma was to him!"

"He's not going to go into friggin shock. He needs to deal with this."

"Not like this! "

"God you are so annoying! Look, he stopped crying, he's dealing."

It was true; Genda had cried so much he seemed to be incapable of crying any more. But he wasn't sure he was dealing, he didn't think he had the strength to move. In a daze, he felt two pairs of hands on him, helping him get up and at least get him to sit on his own bed. He heard various consoling attempts by Kidou as his own world fell apart, but Genda said nothing.

Once he found the strength, Genda slowly looked up to Kidou, who was just about ready to give up trying to make him feel better. Kidou brightened for a split second before reading Genda's face. That wasn't a good look; that was a broken look.

Fudou spoke up for the first time since his and Kidou's argument, looking directly at Genda.

"Do you want us to leave you alone?" he asked. There was no remorse in his voice, it had turned cold again. Kidou shot him a look to shut him up, but Fudou had no intentions of speaking again just yet.

Genda meant to look at Fudou, he really did, but somehow his gaze fell to the floor again. He hesitated for a few seconds before summoning the strength to look at the brown-haired boy. Genda held Fudou's piercing stare for a few moments before looking back down at the floor. The most he could do was nod his head.

Kidou let out a small sigh and placed his hand on Genda's back; a small gesture to let him know that no matter what, both himself and Fudou would be there for the goalkeeper. No matter what Fudou may say. Genda tried to give Kidou a small smile, but it came out too strangled to look even remotely happy.

Kidou gave Genda a few reassuring pats on the back and got up to leave him alone as he wished. He signaled for Fudou to come with him, but the mohawked boy decided to stare at the broken boy a little longer. After a few moments Kidou called with a harsh "Fudou!" that was enough to get him moving. As they were leaving, Fudou stopped in the doorway, not bothering to turn around.

"I'll let you grieve for a week, Genda. But that's it," said Fudou. Then he left, letting the door close softly.

Genda let himself fall onto his bed with a muffled 'fwump'. For a long time, he stared at the ceiling, thinking. Remembering. He thought of all the times that he Sakuma were together, all the times they were anywhere _near_ each other.

All the times they had played soccer together at Teikoku, all the times he had been cheering for Sakuma when he was with Inazuma Japan, all the times they walked home from school together. Every time they had held hands in public and Sakuma would get nervous that they would be seen. Every time that they had held each other close, whether it had been to kiss or to have sex or to just know that they were both still with each other, to feel the warm skin beneath each of their hands. To feel that the other was _alive._

Genda felt the tears streaming down his cheeks and even going into his ears, but he didn't care. He could practically see Sakuma's face on his ceiling, smiling at him.

He thought of all the times they had sex, all the expressions Sakuma had made. Whenever Sakuma had been particularly wanting, he always made a point of running his tongue over his lips, as if inviting Genda to take those lips for himself. Genda had always complied, never wanted to waste a single second they were together. When Genda asked him about it later, Sakuma had blushed and said he hadn't noticed.

Genda's lips turned upwards into a painful smile.

Every time they had laughed at some stupid show on television, every time they had gone to eat ice cream together, every time they had laughed or cried or became annoyed with each other, it was all gone.

All of Sakuma's smiles, his laughter and his tears and his warm touch and voice, that was gone too.

Because Sakuma was dead.

Genda's face scrunched up with grief, unable to look at the images playing through Genda's head on his ceiling any longer. He turned onto his side and curled into himself to shield his breaking heart. There was unthinkable pain surrounding it, even worse than earlier. It hurt. It hurt so much, and there was no one there to help him. And he never would be.

For the rest of the night Genda sobbed with the despair that clung to his aching heart. He wasn't ready to accept that Sakuma will never be coming back, but that was the harsh reality, and it hurt.

It hurt more than any physical injury he'd ever gotten during soccer, or anything else. He'd readily be in the hospital again if it meant he would have Sakuma back. But Sakuma wouldn't want to be in the hospital, he hated that place. He had even said before that he was only able to stand it because Genda was there with him.

The thought only made Genda cry harder.

Eventually Genda fell asleep, his sheets damp with tears. His dreams were happy ones, memories of all the enjoyable times he and Sakuma had together. Despite this, the tears still flowed freely as he slept.

As he dreamed of times passed, there was only one conscious thought in Genda's mind.

_Good bye Sakuma._

_I love you._

_I always will._


End file.
